Saturday Dec 16
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Man Jailed After Tricking Friends Into Watching Soccer

A man is serving jailtime tonight after his friends called 911 when they discovered they had been invited over to his apartment to watch soccer. He had invited them over to watch "the game" starting? at 8:00, which they assumed would be the thrilling game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals. But after arriving and having some beer and nachos, they were horrified when he turned on the TV to his Soccer Premiere Pass sports package.

It was a contest between two teams from some place called Europe, and the situation got worse from there as the partygoers realized what they were watching on the screen. Many began to scream, an angry man threw a stool at the 56 inch television, and a woman tried to gauge out her own eyes with a guacamole dip serving spoon.

Someone was smart enough to dial 911 in all the chaos, and police arrived at the scene within minutes. They broke down the door and stormed the apartment, as people ran for safety from the terror inside. They neutralized the party host with a tazer, and had the bomb squad detonate the cable box that contained the subscription to the Soccer Premiere Pass outside. They hope that will ensure it can never hurt anyone again.

The host is now in jail, awaiting sentencing. He is accused of 14 counts of attempted soccer exhibition, 10 counts of sports party trickery, and 1 count of manslaughter via guacamole spoon.
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