Written by Tim Hoffman Thursday, 01 July 2010 18:24
New York Knicks president Donnie Walsh waited patiently at the house as his wife came back from the first day of the open free agent market. When she arrived with the groceries, he followed her into the kitchen to see what she brought home.
Donnie - "Hi honey, what did you pick up today at the market?"
Wife - "Well, I got you some of your favorites here, I got you a Chris Bosh and a Joe Johnson!"
Donnie - "A Joe Johnson! Honey you shouldn't have!"
He rushes over to see what else is in the bag and begins pulling out his new players. But then he sees something and looks surprised.
Donnie - "Whoa, what in the hell is this? A Richard Jefferson?! Why would you buy one of these?"
Wife - "Look, we have a little extra cap room this year, I didn't think it would hurt. And as we were checking out Little Billy saw him sitting there and really wanted one...You know how he can be. I just threw it in the basket!"
Donnie - "Damn it woman, Gregg Popovich has been telling everyone at the office how these Richard Jeffersons are pieces of junk! Very unreliable, always breaking down...and now we have one! I hope you got the extended warranty!"
Wife - "I...I...didn't..."
Donnie - "Oh my god, I need a Carlos Boozer...I hope you at least got a six pack of that..."
Wife - "Oh, the Carlos Boozer...I knew I forgot something!"
Donnie - "What? You know I like to relax after a long day at the office with an ice cold Carlos Boozer! Well did they have any of what I sent you there for? Did they have any LeBron James?"
Wife - "No...they were sold out."
Donnie - "Sold out! I told you to pre-order that thing on launch day! First the iPhone 4, now this! All the other GM's are going to laugh at me!"
Wife - "I was told they might have more stock of LeBron Jameses in 6 years or so..."
Donnie - "I don't want a LeBron James in 6 years, I want one now! He's going to be all old and washed up in 6 years! This is the last time I send you to the free agent market alone...but at least we have a little cap room left."
Wife - "About that..."
Donnie - "What else did you buy? Another purse? A new pair of shoes?!"
Wife - "I got a...Shaq..."
She pulls Shaq out of the paper bag, and he waves at Donnie Walsh.
Donnie - "A Shaq?!?!?! No one wants him! What am I going to do with him?!"
Wife - "Well...he's not for you or the Knicks...he's for me..."
Shaq - "I'm gonna show her the Shaqtus."
Shaq takes her by the hand and leads her out of the kitchen, while Donnie stands there, mouth agape.