Saturday Dec 16
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Pack Of Men Secretly Racing Bikes In France

The media learned today that Lance Armstrong and other men are currently riding bikes around France in some sort of secret race. Due to all the disdain for cycling in America due to repeated controversies, and the thought that Armstrong is a longshot to win this year, apparently no one realized this race was taking place.

"I remember once we actually cared about cycling for a week every year," said Gary Thorne, producer at ESPN. "But I can't for the life of me remember why, or what this thing in France is called...I think it's some kind of bicycle tour where they show people around the countryside? Maybe eating cheese is involved? I think there's also something to do with a guy who only has one ball too... I just don't care enough about this thing to remember, especially with news of LeBron James to discuss."

The United States military is looking into the secret race, with a spokesman saying that the Pentagon does not like any covert events taking place in Europe or Asia. It is said they have top officials scouring the deepest regions of basic and extended cable to try and find our information on the race, but it has so far turned up very little.

The government is also following up leads on where the World Cup vanished to on American TV after the U.S. lost two weeks ago. They say both issues will be found, and more information will be released to the general public when they have it.


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Picture Of The Day

The Arizona Wildcats team does NOT regret the decision to play a football game wearing their PJs.