Saturday Dec 16
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NASCAR Race Almost Has Totally Rad Fatal Accident

The NASCAR event Sunday at Talladega ended in dramatic fashion as Carl Edwards car flipped into the air after making contact on the final lap. The crowd and viewers at home roared as the wreck began, as they had waited all day to see something exciting like this happen, but were saddened as the car only bounced into the protective fence and back onto the track.

"Man, this wreck could have been so cool," said one fan watching at home. "A whole car almost made it into the stands where it could have smashed a bunch of people, and made the whole boring race worth watching. But no, only a little debris made it up there and hit an old lady. I saw the slow motion on the hit, and her head didn't explode or anything. I heard she has a concussion, but that certainly isn't very exciting..."

NASCAR apologized to fans for having a defective fence around the track.

"We designed this thing to give way so that we can have maximum awesomeness when a car comes off the track," said Talladega president Ron Gardner. "Something is obviously wrong here because this thing held. We had fans in that front row that paid big money for the chance to get crushed by a ton of steel, and they were let down today. We're going to work on guaranteeing possible death in the future, as it should be."

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