Monday Dec 18
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Veteran Sacramento Kings Franchise To Retire After Season

The Sacramento Kings made it official today that they would be retiring from the NBA following the season, ending months of speculation by fans and pundits. It has been a tough couple of final years for the 64-year-old franchise, whose diminishing skills and wins this season have become readily apparent.

Kings mascot Slamson the Lion served as spokesperson for the franchise when they announced the retirement to the press. All players, coaches, and employees will be retired, as they obviously do not have any business working or playing in the NBA. 

"Look, we all remember our glory days back in the 40s," said an emotional Slamson. "We were the young rookie franchise, winning championships with our flashy new logo and high scoring offense that averaged almost 60 points a game. We were on fire! But time has taken its toll, and we realize it's time to hang up the purple uniforms once and for all."

"We want to thank all the fans who have supported us throughout our career as a franchise, and want to say that we are not done yet. We have been signed by ESPN to be the color commentators on their NBA broadcasts. It will be Mike Tirico and the entire Sacramento Kings you now hear during your games. It's been a challenge finding 100 or so microphones for all our employees, but it's going to be fun to get so many voices chiming in on the action."

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