Saturday Apr 29
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Detroit Lions Fire Coach After Not Even Being Able To Win In Preseason

News came out of Detroit this morning that head coach Jim Schwartz has been fired by the Lions after a blowout preseason loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers over the weekend.

"This is it, season over. We suck again..." said team president Tom Lewand. "If there was one time where we were supposed to be able to be competitive, it was the preseason! But no, we can't even avoid being blown out there! This team has a suspended quarterback, and they still put up 27 points on us!"

All remaining coaches on the Lions staff immediately yelled "Not It!" upon hearing the news, in hopes they would not have to take over the team.

Quarterback Matt Stafford said he was surprised by the firing, but was a little more optimistic on the loss.

"Well, I can't say this loss is totally surprising," added Stafford. "Their second string guys played well into the third quarter. Our whole Lions roster is pretty much third and fourth string guys, so until that final quarter we were really dominated. I don't see us winning the next few games either. But maybe that final one, where most teams rest their starters. Maybe we'll have a chance there..."

Many fans were also very angry at the loss, as the preseason games are the only Lions home games that typically sell out. Since seeing them win at home during the regular season is probably impossible, they have one shot left to see that happen.

"I have asked the Buffalo Bills when they come to visit in a few weeks to please just play their practice squad," said Lewand. "Maybe we can beat 5 guys making the league minimum, if we are able to us our full roster. No guarantees, but hopefully we'll be able to get one meaningless win for our fans this year..."



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Picture Of The Day


The Arizona Wildcats team does NOT regret the decision to play a football game wearing their PJs.