Monday Dec 18
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Breaking Report: Something Happened Relating To Soccer, Maybe

Media outlets around the country are investigating reports out of Columbus that something happened yesterday relating to soccer.

"All we know at this time is that something soccery happened yesterday, maybe," said ESPN anchor Stuart Scott, on his way to find out more on the mysterious event. "As it was soccer, naturally no media was actually there covering it. But early investigations say this thing could be big. Maybe it is something about steroids, maybe Michael Phelps is there smoking in the audience, maybe they did something crazy with that ball thing they are always kicking around with their feet. Who knows, but we're going to find out."

"I don't know what's happening," exclaimed SI's Dan Patrick, also headed to Columbus for information. "It sounds like everyone has gone insane up there! People are talking like they were actually excited to go watch soccer, I have reports that the Americans won a game, and there's even some mention of a world's cup. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like one exciting glass. It better be, if I get up there and find out this whole thing is just about a nice piece of glassware, I'm going to be pissed."

More information will be made available when it is found out.

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