Monday Dec 18
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MLS Fails To Think Of Single Good Reason Why Beckham Should Return

MLS's Los Angeles Galaxy loaned soccer star David Beckham to A.C. Milan during the first part of the year so that he may retain his World Cup eligibility. Beckham expressed his intention to return to MLS when their 2009 season began, as he is still under contract with the team for several more years. But this week, A.C. Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi said he would attempt to keep Beckham fulltime and buy out the remainder of his contract with the Galaxy.

At first this was met with anger from the Galaxy owners, but then they attempted to come up with a list of reasons why he should return to LA...

"Well...well now there's got to be some type of reason..." said Galaxy owner Philip Anschutz "We have a dedicated fanbase of dozens, you can find almost all our games on Spanish language AM radio, and last year we finished 13th out of 15 teams! There is a lot of potential here! Just last week I even saw we sold an LA Galaxy jersey! Yes, it was to myself, at a discount, so I could give it to my son for his birthday. And yes, he is no longer speaking to me for getting him what he called "the crappiest birthday gift ever". But the point is merchandising is on the rise!"

"Plus this is a great city to live in. We've got...tar pits! Do they have those over in Europe? How about our wonderful smog? Their smog over there is for wussies, I remember once I went to Italy and I didn't even cough or gag getting off the plane. This is a city for men, men with manly lungs. We need you David, I'm the owner of this team and still you're the only player of ours whose name I know. There is no way regular people know who our other players are. Please, Mr. Beckham, don't leave us. Also, bring that hot wife of yours back to the states, we need to give our fans something to look at. They aren't about to watch soccer."

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