Friday Aug 18
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Effeminate Man Wants To Know Why All His Male Friends Are Busy This Sunday

"I think something might be going on, something crazy," said Darren Carlisle, in a phone call to police earlier today. "Have you ever seen M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening? I think that might be happening this Sunday! For some reason, all my male friends do not want to do anything with me on Sunday, they all for some reason have plans or are going to parties. I am the one who usually knows about all the parties! And no one has invited me to a single one! Something Happeningish is going on, and I think I am Mark Wahlberg!"

Indeed, the South Beach, Florida resident has had an extremely hard time finding any guys to hang out with this coming Super Bowl Sunday due to his complete lack of sports knowledge. He tried inviting Jake and Tommy over for a late afternoon Brunch, but they said they had to get ready for a party of their own. He then became more desperate and attempted to organize a game of croquet or a trip to the mall to shop for slacks, but both ideas fell through due to lack of interest.

Darren became so desperate in fact, that he paid us to write this news article sending out the word for people he can hang out with on Sunday. He says that he brings a lot of positives to a hangout. He brings a hot new pair of shoes he just bought this week, he brings a bubbly sense of humor, and he is very skilled in both scrapbooking and baking. Hanging out will always result in either a great photo album or possibly a pie.

"Look, I am the one who knows where the hottest parties are happening around town first! My friends want to abandon me for some mystery event on Sunday, they can be my guest. I obviously have lots of other people I can hang out with, that's why I am paying this website to help me find them..."


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The Arizona Wildcats team does NOT regret the decision to play a football game wearing their PJs.

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