Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 19 January 2009 15:35
Barack Obama will take office Tuesday, and there have been many festivities and speeches featuring sports figures in honor of the new President. Tiger Woods, Mohammad Ali, and others have given speeches in the days leading up to the event, to talk about African-American accomplishments and their love for the country. We here at TSC attempted to gather all the sporting figures inauguration speeches in one place:
- Washington Nationals: The entire team gave a rousing speech in front of Nationals Park vowing that they will try to win one of their 162 games this season, in honor of Barack Obama. "This city is going through big changes, and we want to have some big changes as well, and it starts with finally getting some number other than 0 in the win column," said Manager Manny Acta. He was quick to remind Obama that they said they are going to try to get a win, but with their talent there are no guarantees.
- George Foreman: In a taped message he aired at 3 AM on a local channel, he said Obama's triumphant victory reminded him of the time he came back from retirement to overcome Michael Moorer and win the title at age 45. He also said that Barack is ready to "knock out the fat" in Washington, and to celebrate he is releasing a limited edition Obama Funnel Cake Fryer. This special fryer removes up to 5% of the fat in conventional funnel cakes, making them have just under 2000 calories per serving. He then said that if you were a true Obama fan, or a fan of fried dough, you should order immediately, as supplies are limited.
- Michael Vick: Vick made a speech in the prison lunch room, despite representatives from Barack Obama specifically asking him not to do so. He told his fellow inmates that the President's inspiring breaking of the race barrier made him recall a similar underdog incident in his life. He once had a black pitbull named Shitblood, and people said Shitblood would never be able to compete against the stronger white pitbulls. But in his first dog fighting match he overcame all the prejudice against blacks and conquered his white foe. Shitblood then bit into the whie dog's stomach and ate his intestines. Afterward, he was sold to a Korean restaurant that was, apparently, looking for a pet. But Michael Vick said, "the point of the story is to tell Obama that if any conservatives ever get in his face about financial or education policy, he should kill them and eat their internal organs."
- BCS Officials: Representatives from the BCS went on the record as saying that they understand Barack's stance on wanting a playoff to determine the champion. But they went on to say that his election is proof that a major underdog can overcome stacked odds and triumph, just like in the BCS system. "All a team needs to do is go undefeated, and then hope that every other team in the 6 major conferences has at least 3 losses, and hope that one of those teams isn't USC, Florida, or Ohio State, as they will get votes regardless. But as long as that happens, it's entirely possible to have a Barack sized upset in our great bowl system."
- Oklahoma City Thunder: The NBA's Thunder said that they would like to offer Barack a roster spot, if this whole President of the United States thing doesn't work out. They were very impressed by the Youtube video of him making a basket, and want to learn how to get the rest of their players to do that. They also remind everyone that they are a real NBA franchise, they are not a joke someone made up at the start of the season.