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MLB

Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 07 January 2009 15:57

The Oakland Athletics announced today that they had agreed to a one year contract with their former MVP Jason Giambi, 7 years after he began a dangerous undercover mission to destroy the New York Yankees. The A's welcomed back their favorite son and late 90's offensive standout with open arms, after he managed to almost single-handedly turn the Yankees from dynasty to suck.

Giambi started his time with New York playing as he had when he was in Oakland, earning their trust with his big power numbers. But in his third year he began his hidden agenda to bring down the Yanks with a horrendous batting average, high strike out rate, repeated injuries, and crippling salary. The A's sent him on the mission when they found out they could not beat the Yankees in straight-up playoff competition, so they decided to destroy them from within by sending their supposed best player.

"I am just glad to be home," said Giambi in a press conference announcing the deal. "It has been a grueling undercover mission in New York. Did you know you can't even find a house in the city? You have to live in a 3000 square foot condo overlooking some park! It was awful. Plus I was only getting about $26 million a year in per diem. I was barely getting by on that scratch!

"But I got home last night and had sex with my actual wife instead of a random 19-year-old I met at a downtown club, I had a meal other than the horrible lobster and steak they serve in every restaurant there, and I even went to a Wal-Mart! It was wonderful."

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Picture Of The Day


The Arizona Wildcats team does NOT regret the decision to play a football game wearing their PJs.

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